Tracks - Xiong Yan / 熊 焱

Xiong Yan / 熊 焱





TRACKS

When my mother was pregnant with me, she almost went to the hospital to induce labour
I was lucky enough to come to earth, like a drop of water merging into a big river
following the waves as they rushed from then on.
Throughout my teenage years
I suffered through illnesses and many times my life hung in the balance
As I repeatedly measured the boundaries of life and death,
I became convinced that the far side of the human world
is not death, but the distance from body to soul

I started writing poetry at the age of eighteen, a mere accidental flash of light
It has since become my eternal destiny. I will spend my life doing so
I am sure that a poet's fame does not come from approval or praise
but from the loneliness of the world, deeper than the years

Since I left home, the bright moon in the sky has always reminded me of my parents
I am sure it is not nostalgia, but blood running to its source

In my old age, grey hair is poking out of my temples
The snow of life is slowly deepening until it is higher than my head
It makes me feel a panicky shame
I have an old family on top and a young child to feed
I walk through the middle, but with frost in one hand and ashes in the other
I am sure that my love of the mortal world is not a matter of my being too attached to it
but that this world is a great long dream from which I have not yet awakened

Now I am forty years old and I look in the mirror every day
I am sure that what I see is not my face but the passing of time
And after sunset, the long night will come
Before that, I have to cross the shells that nurture the pearls
I will pass through the land where the grass flourishes and the people are alive and well
I shall hear the clear song of a group of children singing the stars of the sky
I am sure that the silent earth is finally resting my weariness
It is not that life has gone far, but that I was born in my mother's arms
And at last, after a lifetime of tossing and turning, I return to my mother's arms

(Translated by Fan Jun)




轨 迹

我的母亲怀着我的时候，差点去了医院引产
我幸运地来到人间，就像一滴水珠汇入大河
从此跟随浪花奔腾。整个少年时期
我历经病痛的折磨，多次命悬一线
当我反复丈量生死的界限，我确信人世的远方
不是死亡，而是肉体到灵魂的距离

十八岁时我开始写诗，仅仅是灵光乍现的偶然
后来却成为我永恒的命运。我将为此耗尽一生
我确信诗人的声名不是来自于认同与赞美
而是从这世界获得的孤独，比岁月还深

自我离乡后，夜空中的明月总让我想起父母
我确信这不是乡愁，而是血液在奔向它的源头

在我而立之年，白发探出双鬓
人生的积雪正在慢慢加深，直到高过头顶
这让我有着心慌意乱的羞愧
我上有年过古稀的高堂，下有嗷嗷待哺的幼儿
我在中间穿行，却是一手霜迹，一手灰烬
我确信我对凡尘的热爱，不是我的牵挂太深
而是这人世是一个巨大的长梦，我还未从中苏醒

如今我四十岁了，每天都在照镜子
我确信照见的不是我的脸，而是流逝的时间

而日落之后，长夜终将来临
这之前，我还要穿过贝壳孕育珍珠的苦心
穿过青草蓬勃的大地，到处都是生生不息的人民
我将听见一群孩童清亮的歌声，唱出满天星辰
我确信沉默的泥土在最终安放我的疲倦
不是生命走远，而是我出生时就在母亲的臂弯
最后辗转了一生，又回到母亲的怀里




***



Xiong Yan, born in 1980, is from Weng’an, Guizhou. He has won the Chinese Youth Poet Award, Chen Ziang Poetry Award, Ai Qing Poetry Award, Sichuan Literature Award, Yin Zhen Poetry Award, and other annual literary awards in newspapers and magazines such as “Yellow River”, “Flying Sky”, and “Poetry Tide”. He has written poetry collections such as “My Heart is Falling Dust”,
“Love Endless”, “Echoes of Lightning”, “Time Has Finally Made Me Understand”, and novels such as “Ballad of White Water” and “Movement of Protecting Railways”.


熊焱，1980 年生，贵州瓮安人。曾获华文青年诗人奖，陈子昂诗歌奖，艾青诗歌奖，四川文学奖，尹珍诗歌奖，《黄河》《飞天》《诗潮》等报刊年度文学奖。著有诗集《我 的心是下坠的尘埃》《爱无尽》《闪电的回音》《时间终 于让我明白》，长篇小说《白水谣》《血路》。